The Trauma for Women and Financial Abuse

Written by Judith Ssuubi, LLB
Ottawa based Legal Researcher and Community Engagement Worker

The durability of abusive relationships remains a central paradox. Though many are, or have been in intimate relationships, very few seem to really grasp the intricacies of intimate relationships.

Women had to be pressed to their breaking point, to break the silence. The “Me Too Movement” has given more survivors the confidence to speak up and share their experiences. The movement has empowered young and vulnerable women through empathy and solidarity knowing they are not alone.

Despite decades of work within the women’s movement, a new generation of women in the 21st century, are still struggling with abusive situations and the same question, “Why doesn’t she leave him?” or its reverse, “Why does she stay?” continues to gnaw at the moorings of those who work within the domestic violence movement. In fact, for the survivors of intimate partner violence, there are a number of barriers that dramatically decrease the likelihood of freedom from the cycle of abuse. Particularly, Financial abuse, which was the topic of the webinar discussion on June 16, 202l hosted by Maama Watali.

It is important to note that although the article focuses more on experiences of women in intimate relationships with men, regardless of gender identity, or relationship there is an impact on that person.

Why stay in abusive relationships?

It is widely agreed, financial impediments play a major role in restricting the freedoms of individuals who are abused by their intimate partners.
In as much as a batterer is empowered by the partner’s financial dependence, the autonomy of the victimized is diminished by the abuser’s ability to control through financial means.
For this same reason, after gaining freedom, the person who experiences battering has limited choices and may ultimately acquiesce to the partner’s attempts to reconcile.
Suffice it to say that economic dependence is a link that binds, especially women to the abuser.

The dangers that lurk

Research has shown the risk of domestic homicide is highest during the period of separation, and the intensity of domestic violence escalates when the abused person decides to leave the relationship. In fact, women are often more in life-threatening danger, not during the abusive relationship but after the break-up. Research consistently shows that abusers are more likely to kill their victims in the two weeks after they leave than at any other time during the relationship.

The challenge of escaping the cycle of control

People in abusive relationships often attempt to leave at average of seven (7) times before finally leaving for good. Some of the challenges includes self-doubt, a sense of worthlessness and decreased self-esteem. That lack of self confidence increases feelings of worthlessness, where psychologically women begin to believe they deserve the abuse inflicted on them.

Fear

Emotional and the threat of bodily harm, are also powerful tools abusers use to control and keep women trapped. Research shows females who experience violence are much more likely to be terrorized and traumatized than males. Some men even threaten to hunt women down and harm or kill all their loved ones including their children.

The “If I stick it out, things might change” mindset

Many women in abusive relationships stay because they love their partner and think that things will eventually change. Women sometimes believe their partner’s behavior is triggered by them or is due to tough times and feel as though they can change their partner if they are a better partner themselves. Women should not feel compelled to remain in an abusive relationship if they are counting on the abuser to change their behavior for the better. As individuals in society, the only control there is, in any type of personal or professional conflict, is over one’s own behaviour, not another person’s actions.

Forms of financial abuse

Financial abuse can take very many forms and abusers use several tactics to keep their partners under control. Isolation is a common tactic of manipulative abusers where they separate their partner from family and friends. Isolation can be both physical and emotional.
Other abusers spend years restricting their partner’s access to education, employment, training, contacts, and resources, thereby limiting their ability to secure financial freedom once the abuse begins or ends.

Interfering With Your Job

If your partner attempts to control your ability to earn money or gain assets, they are interfering with your job and income potential. Examples could include:
• Harassing or stalking you at work by calling, texting, or stopping by
• Criticizing and minimizing your job or choice of career
• Pressuring you to quit your job—sometimes even using children as an excuse
• Dictating where you should work
• Sabotaging your work responsibilities
• Physically battering you prior to important meetings and or interviews
• Going beyond their way to prevent you from going to work

Exploiting Your Financial Resources

If your earned money or savings are controlled by your partner in any way at whatever stage in a relationship, it means your resources are being exploited. Examples include:
• Ruining your credit history and score.
• Feeling entitled to your money or assets
• Trying to control the use of or access to personal savings or earned income.
• Using your assets for their personal benefit
• Taking money or using credit cards without permission
• Borrowing money without paying it back.
• Confiscating paycheques, other sources of income, passwords, and credit cards
• As a cover to gain financial control, offers to help with personal budgets
• Requiring financial bailouts for personal debt unrelated to family obligations
• Delaying divorce proceedings to purposely ruin you financially
• Intercepting or opening your personal email, bank statements, and other financial records

Controlling Shared Assets and Resources

If your partner has complete control over the money in the relationship and you have little or no access to family resources, these actions are all part of financial abuse. Examples include:
• Making large financial decisions without your input
• Hiding or taking shared funds and putting them in a private account
• Refusing to work or contribute to the family income
• Limiting your access to the overall financial picture
• Requiring an accounting for every penny spent
• Withholding money and financial information, such as account passwords, account numbers, and investment information
• Forcing a partner to sign financial or other legal documents without explanations or without your ability to read and agree or disagree.
• Making threats to financially cut the partner off when they disagree

What to do about financial abuse

As part of the Financial Literacy Webinar discussion on June 16th 202l, panelists agreed leaving a financially abusive relationship is easier said than done, especially if the person being abused is depending on the abuser’s income. Women taking back financial independence was emphasized.
Although generally accepted that women of all socioeconomic groups are at risk of domestic violence and financial abuse, women without the financial knowledge required to navigate intimate relationships are more at risk. Educating yourself and understanding your financial commitments within any relationship, is key to recognizing
Panelists expounded on ways to achieve financial independence.
These included:
• Always save money for a rainy day and have full control over your assets.
• Maintain friendships with people of all ages, your friends, and your relatives. Having people who care about you makes it easier to spot abuse. It also gives you someone to call when you need support.
• Get educated and become informed on the basics of finance.
• Keep your cheques, bank cards, and other methods of payment in a safe place that only you know. Notify your bank and the police if anything goes missing.
• Take pictures of legal documents, like a Social Security Number and bank statements, and keep those away from the abuser.
• Do not sign any documents without reading, understanding, and consenting to everything. Ask for an explanation or involve a trusted third party.
• Apply for your own credit card and talk to your bank for advice on how to use one. Get all the necessary information.
• Have control over your phone, open your own mail, and do not share PINs or other passwords. Maintain your privacy.
• Frequently review your bank statements, alone. If something appears irregular, contact your bank.
To view the full webinar and more conversations, please visit the Maama Watali YouTube channel at https://youtu.be/khsQ0qmRVkE
Watch it with friends in a safe place and have a group discussion.

Sources

Myths and facts about domestic violence. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.dvipiowa.org/myths-facts-about-domestic-violence/

http://www.standffov.org/statistics/

Barnett, O. W., Miller-Perrin, C. L., & Perrin, R. D. (2011). Family violence across the lifespan: an introduction (3rd ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.

Johnson, M. (2008). A typology of domestic violence: Intimate terrorism, violent resistance, and situational couple violence. Boston: Northeastern University Press.